North Pole cites liability concerns as engineers flag the region’s masonry flues as ‘aspirational at best’ A New Standard for Descent LOS ANGELES — Citing mounting liability concerns, the North Pole has announced that Santa Claus will no longer descend any Los Angeles chimney that has not passed a seismic retrofit inspection, a requirement that …
Executives confirm the character will be ‘reimagined for a modern audience,’ with three spinoffs already in development Santa, the Franchise LOS ANGELES — A major Hollywood studio has acquired the rights to develop Santa Claus into a feature film, confirming plans for a gritty reboot, a sprawling cinematic universe, and at least three spinoffs already …
Saint Nick offered a spot at the bar in six weeks as the host fails to recognize the most famous man on Earth No Table for Saint Nick LOS ANGELES — Santa Claus was denied a table at the city’s most coveted restaurant this week, informed by an unmoved host that the wait was indefinite, …
Saint Nick credits a morning ice bath and an elimination diet for his improved delivery performance A New Regimen for the North Pole LOS ANGELES — In what wellness influencers are hailing as a transformative embrace of optimization, Santa Claus has adopted a comprehensive Los Angeles wellness routine, crediting a daily cold plunge, an elimination …
Unanimous Vote Praises Members for Showing Up, Sitting Down, and on Several Occasions Remaining Awake Philippine Congress Passes Resolution Commending Philippine Congress for Hard Work MANILA The House of Representatives passed on Wednesday a resolution commending its members for their “tireless dedication to public service, their commitment to the Filipino people, and their unwavering …
New Digital Infrastructure Demands QR Code Literacy, App Download Patience, and a Phone Charged Above Fourteen Percent Makati CBD Unveils Smart City Initiative That Requires Citizens to Be Smarter Than the City MAKATI The Makati City government unveiled Thursday its Smart Makati 2030 initiative, a comprehensive digital transformation programme designed to bring city services, …
LTFRB Sources Confirm Vehicle Has Been Technically Legal for Fourteen Years Due to Classification as Extended Family Express Filipino Family Packs Seventeen People Into Seven-Seater Van, Calls It Bonding BATANGAS A Filipino family of seventeen, ranging in age from three months to eighty-one years, completed a four-hour road trip from Quezon City to a …
PAGASA Releases Seven-Day Outlook Covering All Meteorological Conditions Simultaneously, Describes This as Science Philippine Weather Bureau Forecasts Week of Rain, Sunshine, and Profound Uncertainty QUEZON CITY The Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration released its seven-day weather outlook on Monday covering Metro Manila and surrounding provinces, predicting “variable cloudiness with intermittent rain and …
Commission on Audit Confirms Imaginary Infrastructure Now Legally Obligated to Comply with Real Regulations Philippine Senate Approves Bill Requiring All Ghost Projects to File Environmental Impact Statements MANILA In a legislative breakthrough that legal scholars are calling “philosophically ambitious” and infrastructure watchdogs are calling “a beautiful thing to watch,” the Philippine Senate passed on …
San Clemente’s Celebrated Break Gets Sixteenth International Recognition as Final Forty Car Park Spaces Disappear to Drainage Works Trestles Named World’s Best Wave Again; Locals Still Cannot Park SAN CLEMENTE, CA For the sixteenth consecutive year, Trestles has been formally recognised among the world’s premier surf breaks by the international surfing community, a designation …