Local Trader Joe’s Parking Lot Officially Recognized as Extreme Sport – Screw the News
Satire

Local Trader Joe’s Parking Lot Officially Recognized as Extreme Sport – Screw the News

Insurance adjusters, of all people, made it official LOS ANGELES – A Trader Joe’s location on a busy commercial corridor has developed such a reputation for chaotic, borderline hazardous parking lot navigation that a regional insurance adjuster reportedly flagged the specific address in an internal risk assessment memo, an acknowledgment shoppers say is long overdue …

Neighborhood Watch App Turns Into Full-Time Surveillance Hobby for Retired Resident – Screw the News
Satire

Neighborhood Watch App Turns Into Full-Time Surveillance Hobby for Retired Resident – Screw the News

He’s identified 340 packages, four raccoons, and one extremely lost tourist WOODLAND HILLS – A retired accountant who installed a neighborhood watch app primarily to monitor package deliveries says the hobby has since expanded into what he describes as “basically a second career,” complete with a detailed log of every notable event on his street …

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Triathlon Influencer Tries Surfing Once, Declares It Basically CrossFit – Surfing LA

A single beginner lesson yields sweeping conclusions about a completely different sport DANA POINT, Calif. – Endurance sports influencer Blake Farrow, known online for detailed breakdowns of transition times and heart rate zones, completed his first-ever surf lesson Saturday and, within four hours, published a twelve-minute video comparing the sport in detail to CrossFit, a …

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New Wetsuit Marketed as Localism-Proof, Absorbs Dirty Looks Instead of Cold – Surfing LA

Neoprene company claims patented weave deflects hostility, not just wind chill OCEANSIDE, Calif. – A local wetsuit startup has begun shipping what it calls the industry’s first “social-friction-resistant” suit, a 4/3 millimeter neoprene garment the company says is engineered less for thermal protection than for surviving the specific chill of paddling into a lineup where …